Healing Fear and Self-Sabotage

Sabotage comes from deep within our subconscious,  so deep that we may not even know we are sabotaging ourselves and may look like it is others who are sabotaging our efforts.  The reason for self-sabotage is always the same: Fear, and recognizing the types of fear and how they sabotage us is very helpful. 

Almost too often you will hear people say that we have to make decisions out of “Love instead of Fear” or the catch phrase “Fear-based” to describe a particular action people take, but it really does not serve you much if you do know the multiple dimensions of Fear.  Is it Fear? Is it Terror? Is it Confusion? Is it a simple Warning? Is this my Inner Wisdom trying to protect me from something that could be detrimental to my life or is this unfounded and completely delusional terror? 

But why do we even feel "fear" really?   

Ghost of Christmas Past…The End of Fear

A friend of mine triggered a very important question. “If you could turn back time, what would you do differently, using the wisdom you have now?”

My friend and I were both dealing with stiffness in our back.  She told me how this has happened before to her years ago and it was interesting that other similar situations were happening that made her think this whole thing was very familiar to what happened to her years ago, so I asked her the question, we talked about it she was able to find resolution and relief for her situation.  So, for me, it was similar where this stiffness was very familiar to the one I experienced almost 15 years ago, so I searched within to find out what could be triggering this reaction.  Then I remember that at the time I had the stiffness I wanted to change my life but stopped myself from doing it.  I was working at a great company and had great coworkers but I did not enjoy what I did.   I wanted to use my creative abilities more, so I decided to go back to college for digital media and design. At that time I was pressured by my husband to not leave my job since it was a source of income and brought stability to the home.  What I wanted and thought could handle was to work part time and go to school full time but agreed to do the opposite to keep the peace at home.  I was doing good in school but became afraid that my bosses would find out and fire me for taking classes different from the career I was already in, so I kept it quiet to keep the peace.  I was able to finish one semester with excellent grades but I was not celebrated or even encouraged to keep going.  It seemed like I had to hide this from people and the few people who knew did not care, so I found the whole thing to be very discouraging.  I did not know it at that time but unconsciously not being able to talk about my dreams and goals openly, plus fear of displeasing people, plus lack of support from loved ones and myself discouraged me from going back so unconsciously I started finding reasons different from the subconscious feelings to stop myself from continuing the changes in my life.  Now that I am more aware and conscious of my actions and reactions and even my subconscious patterns I can see that the girl I used to be did not know that all she needed was HER OWN approval and support to empower herself to continue with her plans.  Yes, I am a different person now and after experiencing who I was, I can tell you that I have nothing but love and compassion for the person I used to be and in her honor now I do the things I always wanted to do. 

The Melody of Faith

I recently experienced the difference in the levels of Fear and Faith.  Even after all the spiritual deepening I have done, in theory, I knew there were different kinds of fear, but this week  I felt within me the difference in the levels of fear and the different dimensions of faith one can achieve to conquer those fears.

Life has given me the opportunity to expand once again using my talents in a different form.  The change has been very exciting and I have been very eager to follow through my plans.  However, all of the sudden I felt like everything left my body… The inspiration was gone, the enthusiasm was gone, the passion was gone.   I woke up one day and I felt empty.  I remembered my plans and task to do but felt like I had nothing to continue with.  Then I was reminded “Your biggest fear is your biggest gift” All of the sudden I felt fear and depression overcoming my body.  It felt like I was nothing and like everyone else is something except for me.

Stupid Bitch!

Dreams are a conversation between You and you and when you explore them further you gain a better understanding of where you are, what you can become or what you have become.

Someone recently told me she had a dream where she was supposed to come visit me but instead she changed her plan and decided to go see her other friend instead and when she told me of her decision over the phone I got upset and called her “Stupid bitch” then she said she continued to explain that the day is not over yet and she could still come later but she did not make the explanation dramatic and she did not get upset about my judgment towards her but she was surprised of it.  Then her friend hugged her and said, “Everything is going to be OK” then the phone vanished.  This was her dream and she wanted my input on the meaning.  So I asked her, well what do I represent in your life?  She said, “You are someone I respect and I also wish you would explore yourself in all dimensions”.  I remembered then that she also told me of her recent life change; moving back with her parents after living on her own for years.  She has been experiencing constant scrutiny from her parents and this has created a reaction to justify and defend her behavior.  In the dream the family she lives with is not criticizing her; the person criticizing is a person she respects.  Yet, there are no feelings of Guilt, Shame or Fear in her explanation of why she chose to visit another friend first. So, what the subconscious mind is telling her is that She has transcend those feelings of guilt, shame and fear and that even an explanation of why she does something is not really to defend or justify herself; those explanations have just become Conversation, Communication. Her friend hugging her and telling her everything will be OK is confirmation that she has transcended those feeling and will no longer be plagued by the criticism of others. The phone vanishing is a sign of choice.  Since explanation is only conversation/communication, it is her choice to provide it or not.  It is no longer even needed. 

People have the choice to criticize but you feeling plagued by the need to justify your behavior is not necessary.  She may have moved back to her parents and experience unwanted criticism the way she used to experience it when she was a kid or a teenager but she is no longer that person anymore, she has matured and she has done a great job defining who she really is and what she really wants without succumbing into feelings that are detrimental to her never-ending growth.  
This was a short dream with profound meaning.  Look into your dreams and see yourself unfolding into new possibilities. See yourself in a new light.  See yourself as who you truly are.  Listen to what you have to say about you and rejoice of this intimate conversation.

This article is the property of Mariela Siwarqinti. No one may alter and/or reproduce it in any way without the express written permission of Mariela Siwarqinti.

Mariela Siwarqinti, Healing Facilitator

mariela.siwarqinti@hotmail.com

973-330-6778

Reiki ~ Pranic Healing ~ Archangelic Light ~ Rites of Passage Shamanic Ceremonies ~ Dream Interpretation ~ Spiritual Insight ~ Tarot/Intuitive readings ~ Munay-Ki Rites ~ Meditation Guidance ~ Local or long-distance services
Testimonials ~ Services and Pricing

Fear and the door mat…. A love story

7/10/2015

When you intend to be an open door but people miss to see the entrance and all they see is a door mat, it does not mean you are a door mat.  It means their eye sight won’t see beyond the door mat.  It has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with them.  There is a Rumi quote that says “Why do you stay in prison when the door is wide open?”  The reason is the same; over and over again…Fear.  Fear has many forms and disguises.  Nobody wants to be afraid and many don’t even think that their feeling is fear.  They may say they are confused, angry, lonely, uninterested, etc.  The process of the translation from energy to a feeling is tricky.  It’s like seeing a magician pouring milk into a hat and pulling out a rabbit.  Completely not related or expected.  The truth is that fear not also disguises itself and lies to you but it also keeps you BLIND, and therefore makes you miss on many wonderful opportunities even when they are right in front of you. 

Now, to continue, I am going to explain to you fear in a different way.  Fear, does not mean to be afraid or terrorized.  As humans, in this material world, we were created with different elements such as our organs, senses, cognition, etc, and all of them are important for us to thrive…. Even fear.  The reason we push fear away is because we do not know how to use it effectively.  Fear does not feel good to us so we tend to push away everything that does not feel good, therefore we miss the chance of exploring fear as a tool of advancement for our life.  Yes! Fear can be a tool for advancement in your life, no typos here.