"Your hands create only what your mind can conceive. You may plant a flower in a pot only until your mind is ready to plant a garden. So, what stops you from gardening the whole world depends only on your mind. Can you conceive to garden the whole Universe? As long as you are willing to learn and let the Universe teach you, I know you can!"
I had a dream and was able to go lucid to ask important questions about the reason for such dream. The dream was about being back in high school and forgetting there was homework to present. In the dream, I thought I could rush to finish the homework before class started but then I found out that homework was actually making something from the instructions that the teacher gave us and bringing it to class to present it. Everyone did it except for me and in the dream I could feel my level of shame for forgetting to do it and anxiety of having to tell them that I forgot, which was actually something that did happen to me in real life.
Sometime ago, I had a huge revelation about how a part of my brain did not develop at the same speed as the rest of my brain as a result of contracting tuberculous meningitis at the age of three. Doctors where able to diagnose and treat it after three months of being in the hospital. After being discharge I had to continue to see doctors until age eleven. I was treated medically but not so much emotionally or psychologically, therefore no one knew I had issues with the development of my brain, specially the way it learned. I wrote about this in blogpost Learning and Nurturing Abilities. However, there is a fascinating phenomenon about it because the part of the brain that did not develop stayed with the same innocence of that three year old which made it possible for me to do things intuitively like a curious little child finding guidance from a higher level of consciousness where I could sense and feel what to do and how to do it. It helps me feel patterns of possibilities for the future or why things became the way they are and read people, it's a strong clair-sentient. The issue is when I have to follow instructions because just like a little child I would get distracted or stay in my imagination which affected my ability to read or hear correctly, complete all steps or remember to even do them which made it very difficult for me during my school years.
Discovering meditation was the best healing tool for me. Not only it started healing the development of my brain by making it more focus and clear-headed but it also enhanced the sensitivity of my intuition because I'm able to stay focus and clear-headed for guidance to come in more purely. Also, the constant practice has brought all these amazing revelations that are helping me heal the mental and emotional part of myself that were neglected during childhood. In addition I can see the workings of the conscious and subconscious mind, how they both interact, why people get angry, why they become depress, how they love, how they honor, how they trust, how they develop attachments etc. From that, I know I am not alone. I know many of us have parts of ourselves that are undeveloped because they did not received the proper nurturing needed at a particular time in human development. This dream I had brought a tremendous revelation and guidance about the steps to follow to continue my healing journey and spiritual awakening. You see, the dream brought back feelings of shame and anxiety I used to have in school and how I pushed away traditional learning ever since. I have my own way of learning but many times when someone offers to teach me something I decline because it makes me nervous to fail their expectations, to be yelled at, made fun of, or make them frustrated. But, when the Universe tells me to learn something I DO IT because I know that the right conditions are there for me to learn it and that the time is right to do so. I do much better at following higher guidance.
This time, during the dream, I had an awareness I did not have before. It was the awareness of feeling left out because since everyone did homework, everyone got to experience what was like to make something, to materialize something that was once on paper and therefore, they have expanded into a deeper level in their relationship with the Universe. I was aware of their expansion and I wanted to be there as well. All of the sudden it hit me and my natural desire to expand became liberated from the shackles of feeling embarrassed for not learning like others do. I realized from my very core how learning something changes perceptions in the mind, how it deepens our connection with this world and with ourselves because it evolve us. I realized how pushing away learning because of my childhood experience is keeping me away from transforming my reality. In a sense, I knew this, I have known it for quite sometime but for the first time I felt it true deep inside of me. More importantly, I understood that if I keep pushing learning away, I will not be able to join my child in his expansion as a human.
I was able to see the pattern for the future of my family. My husband is very crafty and active in making things and he will be teaching our child all this things and by bypassing my anxiety of following directions we can all learn together and expand in unison which is important to be able to stay together as a family because we would be able to relate to each other, understand one another, co-create, co-exist, integrate our gained wisdom, deepen our relationship, make stronger bonds altogether. In addition, I would be able to contribute in nurturing my son's ability to learn and with that, do for him what my parents and teachers could not do for me.
I am glad for this revelation and I gladly say yes to learning and bypassing any anxiety of following directions. I have the most patient and kind teacher anyone can have, my husband and I know how to be focus now. I am not the same person who I was while in school; so, those days of judgment, punishment and anxiety are over. It is true when they say "When the student is ready the teacher appears" and I can freely say now that I am ready and I can see how rewarding and fulfilling the future will be with this new breakthrough.
Healing is possible and available for everyone and spiritual awakening is our birthright. We all unravel and breakthrough our limitations when we finally feel safe to do so and the Universe always conspires to have everything ready for us for when that time comes. We can do anything we want as long as we are willing to shift the perception we have about ourselves and stop making decision as the wounded person we used to be. Say goodbye to the old you, be present and look forward to a brighter future. So, plant a flower, tend a garden, garden the world and even the whole Universe as the Universe lovingly guide us. Always say yes to expanding into a better version of yourself.