I recently experienced the difference in the levels of Fear and Faith. Even after all the spiritual deepening I have done, in theory, I knew there were different kinds of fear, but this week I felt within me the difference in the levels of fear and the different dimensions of faith one can achieve to conquer those fears.
Life has given me the opportunity to expand once again using my talents in a different form. The change has been very exciting and I have been very eager to follow through my plans. However, all of the sudden I felt like everything left my body… The inspiration was gone, the enthusiasm was gone, the passion was gone. I woke up one day and I felt empty. I remembered my plans and task to do but felt like I had nothing to continue with. Then I was reminded “Your biggest fear is your biggest gift” All of the sudden I felt fear and depression overcoming my body. It felt like I was nothing and like everyone else is something except for me.
On my way to work I heard the melody of a music box and all of the sudden I remembered how I always have loved music boxes and memories of me being fascinated by music boxes in my childhood started to come forth. Then I thought: The ballerina inside the music box only dances when the melody is playing. The melody was specially made for her. It is her melody and she dances when she hears it. Then I asked, “Is this what it is? Have I lost the music inside me that makes me dance?” I was then reminded that to continue the melody you must wind up the music box. So I asked: “Well, how do I wind it? Where is the handle? Show me. Tell me because I do not know.”
I became very upset. The whole East coast was under severe weather warnings and our county was under tornado watch. Besides feeling empty, and upset, I became agitated feeling that my mood inside me reflected the weather outside. A friend texted me and I told him how I was feeling, then he called and reminded me of the same advice I have given him to calm himself down, ground and return to stillness. He reminded me how special I am in his life and how much I have done for him and I felt his sincerity and felt genuinely loved. I was glad we connected and exchanged this moment. It made me feel better for sure.
I was calm but still feeling fearful to continue with my plans so I decided to ask another friend if he was ever scared to show his talents as a singer and musician and how he overcame the fear. For hours we exchanged a deep conversation about personal development, faith and God. Again it made me feel cared for and loved. Here were two people who are busy with their lives, still took their time to listen and talk to me with genuine care and I felt loved and valued. All of the sudden I felt Faith returning. Then the answer to my question finally hit me: We have to wind up the music box in order for the music to play and the ballerina can dance and this is similar with us and Faith. We build faith for the things we are already doing but we always keep growing; we always have a new benchmark coming, some new breakthrough, something new and bigger in our lives that can be exciting but that we have not built the Faith for it yet. That’s when it gets confusing and challenging again. So to build faith for that new part coming into our lives we have to wind up the box because the music is over. The way to build New Faith for that new chapter coming is to connect with people and plug into the things that make us feel loved. We reach out so that we can feel loved, protected, nurtured, cared for. This is what builds all this love inside that is like winding up the music box so that when you let go of the handle then the melody of Faith starts playing and we can continue dancing to our own song.
These past few years, building Faith has been my biggest challenge and blessing. I often take refuge on my teachers, the teaching and the spiritual community but not everyone has access or the time for a spiritual practice, however, we all have a loved one who is always there for us and when those moments of fear and uncertainty come, it is healthy to reach out and connect as humans standing by each other building each other up. We surely have everything we need to propel that handle in the music box: God, Nature, music, spiritual practices… whatever makes you genuinely happy builds a good dose of faith in you. However, the Love and Value that you feel from another human being just cannot be replaced. Go out and love someone today and let yourself be loved as well. Let’s stand by each other in love. Let’s constantly build new faith and conquer those challenges to make our dreams come true.
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Mariela Siwarqinti, Healing Facilitator