When you intend to be an open door but people miss to see the entrance and all they see is a door mat, it does not mean you are a door mat. It means their eye sight won’t see beyond the door mat. It has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with them. There is a Rumi quote that says “Why do you stay in prison when the door is wide open?” The reason is the same; over and over again…Fear. Fear has many forms and disguises. Nobody wants to be afraid and many don’t even think that their feeling is fear. They may say they are confused, angry, lonely, uninterested, etc. The process of the translation from energy to a feeling is tricky. It’s like seeing a magician pouring milk into a hat and pulling out a rabbit. Completely not related or expected. The truth is that fear not also disguises itself and lies to you but it also keeps you BLIND, and therefore makes you miss on many wonderful opportunities even when they are right in front of you.
Now, to continue, I am going to explain to you fear in a different way. Fear, does not mean to be afraid or terrorized. As humans, in this material world, we were created with different elements such as our organs, senses, cognition, etc, and all of them are important for us to thrive…. Even fear. The reason we push fear away is because we do not know how to use it effectively. Fear does not feel good to us so we tend to push away everything that does not feel good, therefore we miss the chance of exploring fear as a tool of advancement for our life. Yes! Fear can be a tool for advancement in your life, no typos here.
The relationship we have with fear is completely negative and it has been going on for centuries so it just feels normal to label it as evil and run away from it. Now, because we have seen this behavior from others for many centuries, not only we THINK it is normal to push or run away from fear, but we also attach a FEELING to the IDEA of fear when it shows up in our life. Depending on the intensity of the FEELING we created for fear, our PHYSICAL body has a reaction from this whole interaction of FEAR, THOUGHT and FEELING. (In the meantime our spirt is going: Surrender and Release, it will all be ok…. Can you hear it?) I practice building equanimity in me. Equanimity is a combination of Serenity, Patience and Inner Strength, all at once. Meditation is a good resource for it. Equanimity can help you tolerate the true feeling of fear so that you can hear the message it has for you without getting lost in your emotions. That is key! See, when you lack equanimity, fear is unbearable. Anxiety, panic attacks, worry, terror and such are only EMOTIONAL reactions from feeling the IDEA you have created about fear. This reaction is terror and terror is NOT true fear. Fear at its original existence, is nothing but a warning sign, a red light, a very important call for ATTENTION and ACTION. The problem is when we feel fear we immediately attach the thought/ believe we have created for fear and immediately, an emotional reaction such as anxiety, panic, terror or worry follow along, so yes, all this together makes it look like fear is an awful thing to have in this world.
The good news is that our mind is mighty powerful; it can be programed and reprogramed. If you want to change your perception about fear then know that it is beneficial to have it in your life because its true purpose is to keep you safe and alive. Yes! No typos here either. Fear is part of our instinct as humans just like in the animal kingdom. Just like an animal, when they feel fear, their instinct is to find a escape route and take cover. Have you ever heard of animals feeling fear and breaking down to tears, worry about their future and complain about their situation? No, you have not. We surely have more thinking habits than animals do and our disadvantage is that we overthink things most of the time. This overthinking noise makes us deaf from hearing true inner guidance, including the guiding message that fear has. If you want to use fear as a tool for advancement think about the following simple example. Close your eyes and visualize a big and bright hot flame in front of you. Now extend your arm and imagine your hand reaching the flame. As you get closer feel the heat of the flame getting hotter and hotter. Now, check in with your body and notice what you feel. Is your heart pounding harder? Is your stomach tying into a knot? Is your neck tensing up? I feel it in my heart. It’s a big No, No, do not get your hand close to the flame…. Because, you will get burn and that is not beneficial for your life. That is fear that will keep you safe. Imagine if you did not have this warning tool as a component to your human form? You will put yourself at risk every time and might even die very young. Now, this example is fear for physical wellbeing. Now, fear for the emotional wellbeing works just the same however you have to be more mindful of your inner feedback based on your level of sensitivity or vulnerability. For a few months now I have been dealing with something that does not feel good at all. I followed the upright citizen process and worked on resolved it through logic, finding help, staying diligent and taking action. There were times when things did not feel good and I worked on aligning my thoughts with my feelings and actions, had a breakthrough and resolved part of this ordeal I was in, and it felt good, but then something else came up that did not feel good at all, no matter how much work, logic, action or alignment I put into it. As human I tried to find a solution but at the end I realized that this became a hot flame and the closer I was getting the worst it was feeling. I knew it was time for me to let go to keep myself safe from whatever this was turning into. Instead, I turned to the things that were feeling good, the doors that were opening and the people who were welcoming me. My lesson was to learn how to discern if my feeling was telling me if something is safe or detrimental to pursue.
You see, fear just as love is a guidance compass that tells you where you are and where you should be heading. This is a world of form but it is overlaid by this world of energy we do not see. However, we all can feel the energy that surrounds us and our feeling translates the information that the energy is emanating before it materializes. To know where you should be heading you should know where you are and to know where you are you have to pay close attention to your feelings for guidance. The tricky part is that the beliefs you have put into your mind may come in between what is true guidance and what is pure judgmental discrimination. Being afraid of fire because someone told you fire is BAD is different than being afraid of fire because you can feel that it will hurt you if you get too close to it. One comes from following inner guidance, the other one is conditioned by external sources. If you use your guidance you will feel safe and will know how to keep yourself safe. If you use judgement based on conditioning you will be terrorized to be near fires and feel helpless and have lack of mental and physical control when a fire arises. So, don’t be afraid of fear but be wary of judgmental discrimination. Know the difference.
Now, I started to talk about relationships really but I needed to talk about fear first because some say Fear is the absence of Love, which experientially is true, but energetically it is not. They both always exist. Just because one is there does not mean that the other one disappears. Just like the sun and the moon; they are always there but we focus on them based on present conditions. As the world turns we get to experience both; it is the same with love and fear. They are both always here but we experience love or fear based on the circumstances that have our attention at this moment. What are you focusing on right now, love or fear? What are your circumstances right now?… Just remember, I am talking about fear as guidance not as terror/worry/anguish from beliefs that have been conditioned/programmed in your mind.
To continue on relationships and the reason why some will see the door and some will see a doormat, yes, it is fear but it is not from fear that comes from inner guidance. This is fear that comes from conditioning. We experience this world based on our perceptions. Our perceptions are formed based on the beliefs we put in our mind and they can either create an open and expansive mind or a narrow or closed mind. If you are a person who is open, loving, caring, wholehearted and have open your door for people to enjoy your gifts but they will not go pass that door, it just means they are not ready for that level of experience because the habits, believes, baseless fears they have programmed in their mind have enclosed them and blind them from seeing they gifts you have to offer. In a sense, they are not ready to receive them…. They won’t even know what to do with such gifts, how to appreciate them or reciprocate. There is a quote that says: “You can bring a horse to the water but you cannot make it drink” If you don’t understand the significance of a great gift, you will not find it significant.
So for those of you that have open the door to your amazing gifts, rest assure that only the ones who will be able to appreciate them will see and know how to enter the door. Whoever does not see the door has placed ideas and believes in them that have blinded them from seeing the door and they will feel afraid to even enter when they are close to it. However, be wary, because they will hang around the doormat and will wait for you to meet them there. They will feel the energy of love and assistance you are offering and will hang around the doormat waiting for you to make the move.
This hit me very personally and it used to make me very sad that this particular person will not be appreciative or interested on the loving gift I was offering and as human I went through the logic system to try to understand why he would hang around but won’t get closer. It wasn’t until I dissected the energy we both created around each other that I was able to understand how each of us were experiencing our own reality. I still feel sad because, this person is not a bad person, he is just a person who won’t let himself experience something he has never known before and has chosen to stay in his comfort zone. Many times I wish he would be able to see who I truly am and appreciate me for it but we all have free will and you will only see what you let yourself discover; and that is that. So, the message for you as an open door is to have compassion for people who cannot see the door or are afraid to enter. Give them time to grow and expand with their own experiences. When they are ready they will see it and cross over. Exercise patience and assertiveness towards the people who hang around the mat but let in the other people who can see the door and are not afraid to enter. These are your allies, your friends, your tribe. They have recognized you as one of their own and you will too and you will embrace each other for the gifts and experiences you have in common. Focus on these people. For those of you who are too afraid to enter, know that the fear you feel has only been created by the thoughts, beliefs, habits you have programed into your mind. They can be detrimental and may be stopping you from a great opportunity, so think about what is stopping you from crossing the door and work on that. Know that these beliefs are just like shadows without heads, meaning they are just delusions presented by our mind because of what we have put in it. Chances are, if you hang out around the door mat, it is because you can feel energy of the great gifts that are hidden passed the door. You can feel them to be great but your delusional fears are bigger at the moment. If you take courage and work on getting rid of your own detrimental thoughts/habits/believes that are stopping your from crossing over, you will have a breakthrough that will expand you to a new and wiser you and you will feel that there was nothing to fear after all and much more to gain :)
|Church in Angamarca Ecuador|
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Mariela Siwarqinti, Healing Facilitator