Mustering The Courage to Master High Emotions

1/12/15

Yesterday, four of my favorite songs came in the radio while I was driving on the highway at night.  It started with the song "Take me to Church" by Hozier.  The song is about sex, but it is ingeniously covered with words of double meaning and gospel music.  I love this song and even thought is about sex, it makes me feel connected to God because I do understand of the sacredness of the masculine and feminine union and how through the emotions and motions of the body we become connected directly to God when we reach ecstasy.  More than the words, I love the gospel sound of this song.  It makes me feel profound, faithful and longing for connection, spiritual connection to feel my wholeness and holiness.   The next song was “He is going the Distance” by Cake.  This song also triggers high emotions in me; emotions of readiness and drive to make things happen with passion and determination regardless of the outside world.  Being unstoppable and making your own rules.  Same thing, the words and sound turn a switch in my emotions, where I feel my heart go into a frenzy that makes me feel alive and kicking.  The third song was “Riptide” by Vence Joy.  This brings strong feelings of innocence, sweetness and yearning of pure love, nevertheless very intense.  It is a simple song but I love the passion that the singer puts into delivering the lyrics.  I feel the energy and sincerity of it and it brings out the same high emotions in me. Sweet and loving but very strong.  I call it my 2014 summer song and a song that reminds me of this guy I fell in love with and how I felt our situation was turning.  Every time I would see him I would remember this song, because I was aware of my high emotions and yearning for him, and I could also feel the vibration of his emotions and feelings which where also intense.  I usually don’t feel people’s vibration unless I tune purposely into them, which I do for healing or alignment reading purposes, however, for him, the vibration was just there, out in the open.  It was actually hard to tune out of it.  

I felt strongly the vibration and the pull from it and even more powerful I felt my push towards it because at that time I was trapped judging the physical form of who I perceived he is in comparison to the perception of myself… to make it easier for you to understand, our age difference was bothering me and I was working through this before giving love a chance.  By the time I worked it through, I missed the window of opportunity that was given to us.  I felt it vibrationally too.  I remember the date and what I was doing when I was given the visual and feeling that something had changed and the reality that was supposed to be, cannot be anymore, until the current conditions cease and new conditions arise for us to have a chance again.   
Even though I knew something had changed, I already worked the courage to tell him how I felt and yes, he told me something changed and could not accept my offer.  Even though nothing became of this, just by telling him how I felt, I at least liberated my heart from this strong emotion and also, liberated my mind from the inadequacy I was feeling towards myself due to the age difference.  Ever since, I have been evading him on purpose because I understand that the conditions are not right at the moment and because some of the feelings and yearning have not dissipated completely.  There are times when I still think of him and wish the conditions change soon, and there are times I cannot help to feel the absence of his presence in my life.  So I do the best I can to avoid seeing him to protect my heart.  However, this nigh, it was suggested strongly to me, that the solution is not to hide, but to master these emotions.  Let’s face it, he is not going anywhere and I cannot hide forever, and even when a person or situation goes away, we are still left with our feelings to deal with.  So the best exercise is to learn how to master my emotional body by practicing compassion for myself as human and equanimity because I know that I can reach peace and nirvana when I centered myself.

So, tonight, this third song reminded me of all this.  I was at a peak point, all pumped, singing my heart out and bursting in joy with the melody of each song.  Suddenly, I see him driving next to me on the highway!  Way, for the Universe to put him near me!  I could not believe it!  This is an interstate highway!
I slowed down and drove behind him at what I thought was a “safe” distance but remained singing and feeling the melody.  Then the next song that played was “Sex on fire” by Kings of Leon.  Do I have to even say more about this song?  At this point I was not sure if this was a synchronicity or left over vibration that was bringing him to me, but instead of asking why, I decided to ask, what can I learn from this, how can I use it for my benefit and growth. 

My mother says, that our family become drunken by music instead of alcohol and she is right.  It runs in the family, we love music and I have seen my family become extremely emotional with music so, this will be a good time to learn how to master them. 

Also, for me, now that I can feel vibration, I can actually feel the intent for the song and emotions of the singer when I hear songs and if I want, I can blend in my vibration with the vibration of the singer, the vibration of the music and I am able to feel the song even stronger in my emotional body.  But then, I have to come out of it, clear away the vibration that is not mine and balance my own vibration so that I can remain myself, my purest self.  Blending in with music vibration has become a good exercise for me to continue to develop sensitivity to the ethereal world.  What I still have to work on is, to seamlessly come out from a highly emotional state and get into a serene state.

Next day, I was meditating on and off just to sit with feeling my emotions, because I was not able to bring them down for yesterday’s night experience. The purpose so far does not seem to tame, or control or bring the emotions down but to feel them as powerful as they are and still be calm and serene.  I was observing not how they take over but how they move through me.  Eventually they did dissipated and I was able to witness the dissipation mindfully as well.

A few months ago I learned the lesson of being calm and serene even though the physical body was wounded (Read under “The Enlightened Being”).  Now, the lesson has moved to the emotional body.   

It makes sense because the emotional pain can affect the physical body and physical pain can affect the emotional body.

This is different from the physical wound.  With the physical wound you see the wound and feel pain such as sharp, deep, throbbing, etc.  With emotional wounds, you do not see a wound and the pain manifests differently too.  It is more like anger, fear, resentment, sadness, guilt, etc.  Still, it affects your wellbeing.  However, with emotional pain, most people work on camouflage it instead of healing it. With time, emotional pain tend to manifest as physical pain such as heart attack or back pain, and/or mental illness such as depression or addiction.  For this reason, it is very important to be able to master high emotions.  It is like a tornado towards to you.  There is not much you can do to diminish the intensity of it but you can find a safe place inside to weather it out.  In the case of emotions, you find a safe place within yourself to muster the courage to outlast it.  In other words, creating Resilience, which provides equanimity.

In my case, because of the type of healing work I do, it also gives me the courage and equanimity to blend in with the vibration of the person I am helping so that I can gather information to help them better without getting lost in their emotional pain and suffering and then step out of it and find myself intact once again. 

As a person, I would so much like to ignore the fact that someone did not choose to date me and instead go my separate way to keep living my own life, but because I chose to serve the highest good as a healer, again and again, I will be forced to work on my own wounds and shortcomings because it forces me to become more in touch with the higher realms in order to help others.  As I work on myself through meditation and spiritual work, I understand why it happened, how it affects my body and how to heal it, only then I can share this wisdom with others.  This is the work and life of the Shaman, the medicine keeper, the enlighten warrior, the light- bearer.  Yesterday I started by being swept away by high emotions and doubt, today after some inner work I learned the lesson and know that self-mastery is my greatest ally.

This article is the property of Mariela Siwarqinti. No one may alter and/or reproduce it in any way without the express written permission of Mariela Siwarqinti.

Mariela Siwarqinti, Healing Facilitator

mariela.siwarqinti@hotmail.com

973-330-6778

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