Ghost of Christmas Past…The End of Fear

A friend of mine triggered a very important question. “If you could turn back time, what would you do differently, using the wisdom you have now?”

My friend and I were both dealing with stiffness in our back.  She told me how this has happened before to her years ago and it was interesting that other similar situations were happening that made her think this whole thing was very familiar to what happened to her years ago, so I asked her the question, we talked about it she was able to find resolution and relief for her situation.  So, for me, it was similar where this stiffness was very familiar to the one I experienced almost 15 years ago, so I searched within to find out what could be triggering this reaction.  Then I remember that at the time I had the stiffness I wanted to change my life but stopped myself from doing it.  I was working at a great company and had great coworkers but I did not enjoy what I did.   I wanted to use my creative abilities more, so I decided to go back to college for digital media and design. At that time I was pressured by my husband to not leave my job since it was a source of income and brought stability to the home.  What I wanted and thought could handle was to work part time and go to school full time but agreed to do the opposite to keep the peace at home.  I was doing good in school but became afraid that my bosses would find out and fire me for taking classes different from the career I was already in, so I kept it quiet to keep the peace.  I was able to finish one semester with excellent grades but I was not celebrated or even encouraged to keep going.  It seemed like I had to hide this from people and the few people who knew did not care, so I found the whole thing to be very discouraging.  I did not know it at that time but unconsciously not being able to talk about my dreams and goals openly, plus fear of displeasing people, plus lack of support from loved ones and myself discouraged me from going back so unconsciously I started finding reasons different from the subconscious feelings to stop myself from continuing the changes in my life.  Now that I am more aware and conscious of my actions and reactions and even my subconscious patterns I can see that the girl I used to be did not know that all she needed was HER OWN approval and support to empower herself to continue with her plans.  Yes, I am a different person now and after experiencing who I was, I can tell you that I have nothing but love and compassion for the person I used to be and in her honor now I do the things I always wanted to do.